Dog 1: Hey, I was just going to take my human for a walk, but I can't find his leash. Have you seen it?
Dog 2: Oh, sorry, I used it earlier today when I took my human out. She was acting really hyper and I figured she needed to release some energy. It's on the entry way table.
Fish: The other day, my human stopped moving, so I figured it was time to flush her. Well, I put her in the toilet and she started flopping around. I felt really bad. Since she was already in there, though, I just did it anyway.
Dog 1: Hey, I don't think you should keep your human in the back of your truck when you drive like that. It's dangerous. I've seen lots of humans killed that way.
Dog 2: I think it's pretty safe. It's better than leaving them home for twenty minutes, isn't it?
Hamster: My human got out of its cage last Thursday and I found it this morning.... Smashed underneath a flour sack in the kitchen....
Dog: My human kept barking at people walking by and running at them. So we got her a shock collar and she seems to really love it.
Cat 1: Aw man, my human keeps scratching me and I can't figure out why. It's the worst.
Cat 2: I have a friend who got her human de-fingernailed, and she said it was the best decision she ever made.
Cat 1: But that's pretty cruel. Doesn't it hurt them? And they can grow back all wrong and cause lots of problems..
Cat 2: No, it's fine! It just makes them uncomfortable for a little while. It doesn't really hurt them.
Dog: We had to put our human down yesterday. She had just gotten so sick and wouldn't get better.
Guinea Pig: I got a wheel for my human a few days ago because he was getting really fat and acting lazy. Now he runs on it for hours a day. I think he really likes it.
Hamster: Wow, that's a great idea! My human wont do anything and he is so fat! I'll have to try one of those!
Dog: Sometimes when my human begs at the table, I like to wave food in his face and watch his mouth water. It's so funny, the way he looks when I do it! I know it's not very nice, but it sure makes me laugh.
Fish: Can you recommend any tank filters that will keep my human's tank cleaner for a longer period of time? I just get so busy, and I know it's really gross when the tank turns green. Come to think of it, they don't really seem to mind, so I'll probably just keep the one I have.
Cat: Sometimes I give my human nip just to see how crazy I can get him to look.
Dog: I left my human in his kennel today and he ate everything in it and then threw up all over. I guess he doesn't like it. I feel like he's punishing me.
Cat 1: I don't know what the deal is, but my human never wants to "go" in her box, if you know what I mean.
Cat 2: Oh, I trained my human to go outside and I never have to deal with a litter box anymore.
Snake: Once I accidentally grabbed my human while he was shedding. Gee, I'll never do that again.
Cat: I hate when I wake up in the morning and my human is sitting on my face. I wish she would just go away and let me sleep.
Dog: I'm so fed up with my human piddling on the carpet when strangers come over. I'm about ready to kick her outside all day.
Cat: Once we went on a holiday and accidentally left our human locked in one room with no food, water, or box. She wouldn't look at any of us for a week after we came back.
