Myth 3

About a year ago when I was having my traditional springtime existential crisis, I had a chat with one of my mentors at school, Keri Tolboe, and she advised my problems by introducing me to the three social myths that plague our world. Myths in society keep us from growing and keep us from truly expressing ourselves. Since they resonated so much with me at that time (and still do), I began to view and analyze them in my everyday life. And since I'm such a psychology weirdo, I was obviously intrigued. 

For our senior year "big project" at my school, we had to write a ten-page research paper and I chose to disprove the Three Myths using my favorite, neuropsychology. (Myth 2 here)

Myth 3: "You can do it on your own."

This Myth perhaps the most restricting one that can be encountered. The proof against it lies in the earliest moments of human life, for from birth, humans depend on other humans to keep them alive. This fact is not without reason. We need each other for care, love, and ultimately just to have companionship.

In a study of neglected orphans in Romania, psychologists observed the effects of early deprivation on the development and security of a child. The Romanian children adopted from the orphanage were observed over several years in their new and stable homes. Being deprived of human connection from their very beginnings hindered these children greatly. 

Almost all the orphanage children were developmentally delayed, as measured by tests of cognition… It was their social and emotional development, however, that marked the children most deeply. They were, for the most part, withdrawn and anxious, engaging in repetitive movements such as rocking back and forth or staring mutely and expressionlessly at their hands. Even three years after adoption, some orphanage children had not shaken their past (Begley).

If our first years are so deeply affected by human connection, it is obviously important throughout our lives. Companionship is needed, no matter how much it may be discounted. That connection plays a large role in our lives is supported by the fact that it also plays a large part in our brain. “When we are rejected or experience other social “pain,” our brains “hurt” in the same way they do when we feel physical pain” (Social Connection: A Basic Human Need).

Childhood trauma, especially parental neglect, affects more than just during childhood, but well into adulthood. A person who has experienced trauma as a child or as an adolescent is 4.5 times more likely to suffer from depression as he or she ages, and 12 times more likely to take his or her own life. The brain is physically affected by childhood trauma in areas like the amygdala (emotional control and stability), the prefrontal cortex (impulse control), and the nucleus accumbens (rewards and pleasure center). (Harris) Thus, behavior and thinking processes are also affected negatively. Social and emotional pains are as real as physical pain, and humans need each other to overcome.

Myth 2

About a year ago when I was having my traditional springtime existential crisis, I had a chat with one of my mentors at school, Keri Tolboe, and she advised my problems by introducing me to the three social myths that plague our world. Myths in society keep us from growing and keep us from truly expressing ourselves. Since they resonated so much with me at that time (and still do), I began to view and analyze them in my everyday life. And since I'm such a psychology weirdo, I was obviously intrigued. 

For our senior year "big project" at my school, we had to write a ten-page research paper and I chose to disprove the Three Myths using my favorite, neuropsychology. (Myth 1 here)

Myth 2: "You cannot change."

This is an epidemic thought in society ridden with labels, prejudice, and stereotypes. Psychologically, humans have a desire to categorize. It’s a completely natural wish to be able to say, ‘this is this,’ and put this into a box and leave it there forever, satisfied with the brilliant organization. (Weseley) While categorization can be a productive and useful tool, it is too often misused to reinforce the second Myth. It creates a pattern of unchangeableness in our nature, formulating in our minds the idea that things can’t change, and consequently that we can’t change.

Over the past twenty years, neuroscience has had a dramatic epiphany. For centuries, humans believed that neurons were fixed—that each person was born with x number of neurons, and died with the same x number of neurons. “In what seems, in retrospect, like a serious lapse of imagination, scientists concluded that neurons’ inability to reproduce closed off all avenues to the birth of new neurons in the adult brain” (Begley). However, in recent years of study, scientists have discovered that our brains have an incredible ability to adapt and change. “When we acquire a new knowledge or master a skill or file away the remembrance of things past, the brain changes in some real, physical way to make that happen” (Begley). This is a concept called neurogenesis, markedly the formation of new brain cells.

Before researching neurogenesis in adult brains, a surge of neuronal growth was discovered in young children. Between birth and approximately age three, children are in their learning prime; they have an incredible ability to absorb new information, and this was fairly widely accepted by scientists and laypeople alike. What’s recently been discovered is that this huge surge of growth happens again in early adolescence, and that smaller, continuous growth can happen throughout a lifespan. “The development of new neurons continues during adulthood” (Mandal). Despite the common misconception of “we are what we are,” we in fact have the ability to transform ourselves simply with a desire and a mindset.

Michael Merzenich, a neuroscience professor at the University of California, is known for his work in testing brain plasticity, or the ability of the brain to adapt. He revealed that early specialized brain function prepares the brain for later changes. “Using specific attentional control… this lifelong capacity for plasticity, for brain change, is powerfully expressed. It’s the basis of our real differentiation, one individual from another” (Merzenich). In other words, what one does at a very young age sets up his or her brain for the entirety of the lifespan, but as an adult real change is still very possible. At any time and for any reason, people can decide to change themselves—to free their lives of the bondage of believing they cannot change—and that is possible because of neurogenesis. Although this is true, one person cannot rely solely on himself to attain this change.

Myth 1

About a year ago when I was having my traditional springtime existential crisis, I had a chat with one of my mentors at school, Keri Tolboe, and she advised my problems by introducing me to the three social myths that plague our world. Myths in society keep us from growing and keep us from truly expressing ourselves. Since they resonated so much with me at that time (and still do), I began to view and analyze them in my everyday life. And since I'm such a psychology weirdo, I was obviously intrigued. 

For our senior year "big project" at my school, we had to write a ten-page research paper and I chose to disprove the Three Myths using my favorite, neuropsychology. 

Myth 1: "If you ignore it, it will go away."

“It” is anything. “It” is everything. It’s pain, relationship struggles, bills, homework, a messy house. To be able to ignore “it” and make it disappear, although seemingly convenient, is a fantasy, because ignoring problems will not fix them. This is an example of a just world belief. The Just World Theory is a term coined by social psychologist, Melvin Lerner, and can essentially be summed up in the popular phrase “you get what’s coming to you.” In social situations, believers in a just world tend to be indifferent, ignoring problems rather than facing them or trying to solve them. (Andre)

The idea pervades that if we set something aside and pay it no attention, it will magically disappear. If something is in the back of our brain, it will eventually leave our brain altogether. In truth, this is numbing our problems. The problem with numbing emotions is that numbing is all or nothing. “You cannot selectively numb emotion. You can’t say, ‘here’s the bad stuff. I don’t want to feel these’... You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other emotions” (Brown). By numbing negative emotions, the positive emotions are also prevented from showing. Numbing creates voids.

Voids are the product of numbed emotions. They are spaces created by our unwillingness to face problems, by our acceptance of the first Myth. Voids are a source of slavery because they must be filled. Like any other thing, this filling can be good or bad. Fill a void with love and care from a friend or family member, or with a productive hobby that can make you happy. Unfortunately, positive filling is not human nature. As humans we don’t fill voids in a productive manner, but rather fill voids with addictions, harmful habits, time-wasting, and mind-numbing. The United States is the most highly-medicated nation in the world, with 49% of Americans using at least one prescription drug. (Global Research) This is glaring evidence of numbing. Rather than delving down to discover the true problem, we simply numb the symptoms with medication. Medication isn’t necessarily always prescription drugs, but anything that distracts from this discovery of the underlying issue.

For example, the average American watches more than five hours of television daily (Hinckley). Over a year’s time, that’s more than 1800 hours wasted, or 75 days, not taking into account time spent online or watching movies. “They’re doing anything to distract themselves from the fact that they feel empty inside. Distractions, however, are temporary…” (Albow). Distractions, here in the form of television, are just like prescription drugs: they divert our attention from the real problem by temporarily correcting the symptom.

One thing that seems to be ignored most is personal, emotional problems. Because these emotional problems do not manifest themselves physically, they tend to be ignored. For some reason, if the problem isn’t tangible, it truly seems like avoiding it will make it slowly go away. In reality, an emotional or mental problem is just as real as a physical disease. Numbing takes place, and healing is avoided because it can take a long time and a lot of work. Most don’t even believe that real healing is possible, which is another Myth accepted as truth.

Why I Said No to BYU

When I was 11 I decided that I wanted to attend Brigham Young University in Provo, despite the challenge of my status as a white Utah Mormon girl. I had always worked hard in school. I was on honor roll in middle school, I took advanced classes, and I created independent credits that satisfied my need for a challenge at my very small high school. I took the ACT three times, got a good score, and my GPA is not a 4.0 but as close as you could possibly be.

So, in October I applied to BYU with my slew of academic achievements and good hope. And in February I was accepted. Obviously I was excited, but I didn't have any clue how to pay for school.

I waited for the Sterling Scholar awards. I didn't get any scholarship money there (because there are high school students that belong to every club and are president of half of them, and they all have 4.0s and perfect 36 composite ACT scores and they've volunteered 30 hours a week since they were 7. But that's a different story.)

I waited for university scholarships to be awarded. I got none. (Utah Mormon girl.)

I applied for FAFSA, knowing I wouldn't qualify for grants, because I am a member of the glorious middle class, just accepting the fact that student loans would plague me for the rest of my life. FAFSA still hadn't come through.

I had an apartment agreement. I was planning my class schedule. I met my roommate. I took a campus tour. I visited a friend for a day who attends and got a real taste of what it would be like, and I was bursting with excitement (and a little bit of fear).

Three days before the acceptance commitment was due, I freaked out. None of this is right. I can't do this. I have been strung out for so many years in effort to get to this place, and now that I'm here, I can't do it. This is not what I'm supposed to do.

But I had put all this work into it. I worked so hard. I had payed fees. I won't get some of the money back. I had met my roommate and seen my apartment. I had a plan. How could this plan--this 7 year old plan--not be right?

I talked to people at work and at school and church. I got a lot of advice. "I almost wonder if a college education is worth the money anymore." "But it's okay to go into a lot of debt for school." "I'm so glad I waited to find out what I really wanted before I went into schooling." "I wish I would have waited to go to college." "It's good to just take some time off and have some fun and save some money."

So my plan was wrong. I was overwhelmed with my life and on the path to being more overwhelmed, and I did not want that path. I am done being overwhelmed. I need some time. And it's not really about the money, although that is a big part of it. I don't want to be in debt as an 18 year old. What it's really about, though, is my emotional and mental health. Yeah, I lost $85 to fees and agreements. But is my sanity really only worth $85?

I said no to BYU, even though the words "You can decline acceptance? Why would someone go through all the work and the whole process of applying just to say no?" actually came out of my mouth. I did. I went through the whole process just to say no. But there's always another chance. If its right in the future, it will happen.

Now I don't really know what I'm going to do, and that's weird for me. I'll be working. I'll probably take a few classes from the community college. ("A community college? You were accepted at a really high-expectation university!" Yes, I know.)  I'm not really the type of person to just not have a plan. But I think that's what this might be about. Not everything has to be planned and contemplated and worked to the point of destruction. Maybe I'm just supposed to learn how to live without a plan. I know that hard work is important and I've learned and practiced that, so maybe now I just need some time.