In honor of it's-been-two-years-since-I-first-talked-to-that-boy, I suppose I ought to give an update on the conditions of the situation. I promise it won't be as long as Part 1.
Life is so good.
More than anything, I'm grateful for the experience I had because, although it was painful for a very long time, I've learned so much! Oh my goodness, I can't even imagine what my life would be like if he had stayed. I know that God has a plan for all of us, and sometimes it's hard or we don't understand it, but everything happens to us for a purpose. It's our choice to learn that lesson and see that purpose.
I will say that for a very long time I struggled. I knew I wanted to be over with it, but then something would happen, and I would just feel so weak and sad. Understandably, I was an emotional wreck. Everything I knew had changed within a month. They weren't bad changes necessarily, but they were hard to swallow. (I wouldn't recommend swallowing change.) had other struggles in addition to it, and I still do, but now I know how to handle it.
I know now that I created my situation. For some reason, my subconscious just wouldn't let go of my sadness and anger. I guess some little part of me held on to those negative emotions. They had fueled me for long enough that I just didn't know much else. That's one thing I haven't quite figured out a reason for yet. However, I do know that if it had even been just a little less difficult for me, I probably wouldn't have learned what I did. I know that I was taken to the edge of my ability to handle it. When that happened, I finally just gave up. I gave up to God. I cried and cried and prayed. I had been so negative for so long that I didn't know if I could really be happy again. But my happiness is not dictated by any other person. That night, that January 7th, I felt so much better. I knew that God knew what He was doing, and I finally had the ability to be happy again. Still, it took awhile.
By March, I felt so much better. I had great friends and mentors by my side, and I thank them so much. I at last felt like I was in control again. In the process of those few months, I had learned so much about myself. I had become so confident, happier, friendlier, and my faith and trust in God were so strengthened.
A short time ago I talked to him again. I haven't since that day. He told me he doesn't love me anymore. Even though I really didn't either (how could I?), it really hurt when he told me. But I needed it. I needed it because, even though I had moved on, there were still those memories that tugged at me and made me miss him, that made me sad. Made me want what used to be so readily available to me. Now I'm sure. I know that things are different, and I've accepted that. More than acceptance, I'm thrilled about it. Life is so good. God is so good. He loves me and helps me to be strong. For that, I'm glad my life fell apart. I'm glad that difficult things happened. The experience may have been awful, but the knowledge from the experience is golden.
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